WATCH FULL VIDEO HERE: FACEBOOK TO REVEAL NEW HORRORS LIVE AT 0930H PST (1230H EST) 20110922 DURING F8 CONFERENCE

Facebook has been bringing about many new features, most of which are designed to personally ruin my life. Now, according to Mashable, 

" The Facebook you know and (don’t) love will be forever transformed. The news that will come out of Facebook during the next few weeks will be the biggest things to come out of the company since the launch of the Facebook Platform.

...

On Thursday, developers will be elated, users will be shellshocked and the competition will look ancient. On Thursday, Facebook will be reborn. Prepare yourselves for the evolution of social networking."

Dear lord. What is going to happen. Here are some of my theories:

• Mandatory smart phone integration, any body can look up your exact location in real time by viewing your profile.
• Lie detector tests based on sentence structure, with a note "this person is not being truthful" attached to all status updates which read as lies.
• Mandatory one status update per day, if you fail to comply Facebook will generate a status update which it's AI engine believes will make your friends feel nice.
• Exclusive content rights to everything post across the ENTIRE internet, including Google +.
• A law enforcement agency with jurisdiction over the entire nation, a criminal justice system to prosecute users for whatever reason they please, and a series of incarceration centers.

Anyway, Facebook is set to unveil all of these new changes in literally a HALF AN HOUR (0930 PST, 1230 EST 20110922) at their F8 conference. You can watch the conference here: